


no paladin left behind

by astralscrivener



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Also this was entirely self-indulgent, Comfort/Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Someone get my space kids therapy, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 00:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12377439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralscrivener/pseuds/astralscrivener
Summary: Keith and Lance discuss the Thing at the end of S04E06.“Yeah,” Keith croaks. “I was. My life versus the fate of the universe…guess it wasn’t a hard decision.”Keith drops his gaze from the window to the floor, and Lance watches his eyes turn glassy. “I wanted to make it up to you guys. For not being there. I would…I would do it again.”Lance’s heart splinters.





	no paladin left behind

**Author's Note:**

> someone get my space kids therapy.
> 
> this fic includes my "keith and lance do the mutual support thing and get closer while shiro's gone/while they pilot red and black" headcanon and also a hint of the clone shiro headcanon
> 
> also i've cried over keith's suicide attempt at least four times today and counting, i am a Mess

            “You _what?_ ”

            The sky outside of the observation deck windows glows a soft blue, illuminating the otherwise dark room. Lance cocks his head at Keith in disbelief as they sit in front of the windows, Keith pointedly refusing to look at him. Instead, the former Red Paladin, former Black Paladin, (oh, how Lance hates those titles), draws his knees tighter to his chest, nestles his chin deeper into his arms, and stares out at the stars beyond.

            There’s such a disconnect between them now, after Keith disappeared for months, forcing Shiro back into the role of Black Paladin, forcing Lance to permanently (permanently?) take up the helm as the Red Paladin, while he ran off with the Blade of Marmora.

            Lance misses the days before then, the days between Shiro’s disappearance and reappearance, when he and Keith finally dropped the rivalry and sat down and _talked,_ days and nights spent going over insecurities ( _insecurities I accidentally reaffirmed,_ Lance thinks forlornly, looking at Keith now), going over battle strategies, going over the plain and simple fact that they were the leaders of Voltron, then: Keith in Black, Lance in Red, his literal and figurative right hand.

            “I was going to shatter the shield with my ship,” Keith repeats, voice more hoarse, quieter than it had been the first time. “It was the only way.”

            _Only way my entire_ ass, Lance wants to say, but bites his tongue.

            What other way would there have been? Team Voltron was going to die if that shield didn’t come down. It had been a fluke that Lotor swooped in at the last minute and saved Keith from certain death. If he hadn’t—if Keith _had_ flown into that shield—

            “So…you were _really_ going to do it,” Lance says. “You were going to sacrifice yourself. For us.”

            Even saying them out loud, the words still don’t feel real. Lance can’t imagine sitting on this observation deck alone, without Keith beside him, starlight bathing him, turning strands of his dark hair silver. Can’t imagine walking back to his room and sleeping and waking up the next day, and Keith is still gone, but this time, he’s never coming back. Lance will never tease him about his mullet again. Will never suit up for a mission with him again. Will never watch him dance around the training deck, cutting down bot after bot, ever again.

            “Yeah,” Keith croaks. “I was. My life versus the fate of the universe…guess it wasn’t a hard decision.”

            Keith drops his gaze from the window to the floor, and Lance watches his eyes turn glassy. “I wanted to make it up to you guys. For not being there. I would…I would do it again.”

            Lance’s heart splinters.

            “Why?” he whispers, inching closer to Keith.

            Keith gives a light, noncommittal shrug. “I need to be useful somehow. You guys can form Voltron just fine without me…I’m more help with the Blade than with you guys.”

            Lance watches as Keith squeezes his eyes shut for a moment; then, his eyelids flutter, brows narrowing, as he blinks away the tears he refuses to shed.

            “That’s where you’re wrong,” Lance says, and looks away from Keith—in his periphery, he catches Keith finally turning toward at him.

            “What?”

            He’s downright incredulous, and, Lance thinks miserably, he has every right to be. Because why wouldn’t Voltron be functioning properly without him? They’ve got Pidge and Hunk, tech geniuses. Allura, magic-wielder, heart of the team. Shiro, team leader. And Lance: new Red Paladin. Team sharpshooter. They should be smooth sailing, even in Keith’s absence.

            But they’re not.

            “You wouldn’t—you _shouldn_ _’t_ have had to crash the ship for us to get out of there. We shouldn’t have been there in the first place, but…there’s something about you,” Lance says, vaguely gesturing toward Keith, not even sparing a glance, “that stabilizes the team. I’m not meant to be Shiro’s right hand—that’s all you. If I’m anyone’s right hand…it would be _yours_. Shiro…he wouldn’t listen to me.”

            Keith furrows his brow.

            “That…doesn’t sound like Shiro.”

            Lance shrugs.

            “Either way…the team isn’t balanced without you. We _need_ you, Keith. As the Red Paladin or Black Paladin…I don’t know. But no matter which, Voltron isn’t complete without you. Something’s _missing._ There’s this big, Keith-sized hole, and I— _we_ really wish you’d be here to fill it,” he says, and finally turns and meets Keith’s gaze.

            Keith’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. He swallows thickly, and he’s the one to drop his eyes back down to the floor. Lance moves closer to him, until their thighs are touching, and slings an arm around Keith’s hunched shoulders. Keith shudders beneath the weight of Lance’s arm, and sniffles quietly.

            “You said that not wanting to pilot Black was only part of the reason for leaving,” Lance whispers. “I have a feeling I know another part. I—I didn’t _mean_ —I never wanted you to have to take things into your hands. I never wanted you to leave. A-And I’m sorry that I never stopped you. I’m sorry that…you felt so unimportant here…and…”

            _And you felt like sacrificing yourself was the way to make things up to us._

            Lance can’t voice the rest of his thought. A lump settles in his throat, and Keith is breathing hard next to him, and the next thing Lance knows, tears are rolling down his cheeks. Down Keith’s cheeks. Lance yanks Keith into him and Keith flings his arms around Lance’s waist, and it’s all downhill. They’re a mess, of tears and choked sobs. Keith digs his fingers into Lance’s jacket, a death-grip if Lance has ever felt one, and he clutches Keith back just as tightly.

            “I’m so sorry, I’m so, _so_ , _so_ sorry, Keith,” Lance whispers, one hand straying to the back of Keith’s head. “I didn’t _realize_ —I’m so sorry, oh my God, _Keith—_ ”

            Lance inhales sharply, exhales sharply, inhales, exhales, and Keith tries to match breaths. Then Lance draws back, long enough to look Keith in the eyes—his red, puffy, wet eyes.

            “Listen to me,” Lance says, choking on each word, “I don’t care what the Blade of Marmora says, I don’t care what the Galra way is— _every_ life is important. Especially a life like yours. You’re a Paladin, and no Paladin gets left behind. Not on my watch.”

            Keith quakes from head to toe in Lance’s grip, while Lance goes on, “It sounds selfish…maybe it is. But I don’t want to defend this universe without you.”

            Lance waits, waits for Keith to react and tell him that _yeah, that_ _’s pretty damn selfish, Lance, we’re supposed to put the universe before our own desires,_ but Keith doesn’t. His eyes widen, the expression of a terrified animal, while Lance’s hands move from his biceps to his face.

            “Keith…if you don’t want me to do this…tell me to stop.”

            Lance expects Keith to pull away, expects Keith to shake his head, to jerk back and yell, but instead, Keith blinks a few times, starlight catching the tears dripping from his lashes, and then Keith surges forward, grabbing Lance’s face in his hands, and presses their mouths together.

            Lance intended to be soft and gentle with Keith.

            Keith, apparently, did not intend to be that way with Lance.

            The kiss is desperate and sloppy and teary, and when Keith and Lance break for air, Lance presses their foreheads together. Keith meets his gaze head-on this time, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. Lance’s own mouth quirks up at the sight, eyes softening.

            “I missed you,” Lance admits. “I wish I told you to stay.”

            “I wish you did too,” Keith responds. “I would’ve.”

            And there it is, the root of the ache in Lance’s soul: just one person had to say something. If _any one_ of them had raised a voice, had spoken up, none of this would’ve happened. Keith wouldn’t have stared death in the face. They probably never would’ve been trapped on Naxzela in the first place. Lotor wouldn’t be in the castle, bargaining for an alliance, dangling the fact that he’d saved Keith’s life over everyone’s heads.

            “Is it too late?” Lance asks, pushing Keith’s bangs from his face.

            Keith reaches for Lance’s hand and takes it, clasping them, squeezing. Lance squeezes back, heart swelling as Keith gives him a thin smile.

            “Is it?”

            Lance shuts his eyes and breathes in the moment, and whispers, “Stay. Don’t go back to the Blades. Stay here. Stay with me.”

            Lance feels Keith’s breath, hot on his face, before Keith presses their lips together again, softly.

            “I will,” Keith murmurs against Lance’s mouth. “I’ll stay.”

            “Good,” Lance responds. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

            “I won’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> if this doesn't get addressed at All in season 5 i will be severely disappointed, my space kids need HELP


End file.
